


Distracted by the Shiny

by revenblue



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Gen, POV Third Person Omniscient
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-16
Updated: 2011-02-16
Packaged: 2019-04-24 11:18:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: In which dramatic fights... aren't.





	Distracted by the Shiny

**Author's Note:**

> Written ~2011, archived April 2018.

Ganondorf faced the young Hero in the top room of the tower.

The Hylian had struggled to reach the room Ganondorf was waiting in, finding the Gerudo's defences stronger than expected. But he was ready.

"You think you can defeat me? You're just a kid!" Ganondorf laughed.

"I don't _think_ I can defeat you. I _know_ I can defeat you!" Link proclaimed.

"Not even the mighty Master Sword can defeat the great _Ganondorf_!"

"Great. Now he's talking in third person," Navi muttered.

Everyone ignored Navi. Except for a certain character who shall not be named, who took what Navi said as an insult. Being a Third Person Person is _not_ a bad thing, _okay_?

"We'll see about that," Link muttered in reply to Ganondorf's boast earlier, pulling out his secret weapon.

"Is... is that a... _fishing rod?_ " Ganondorf stammered, jaw falling to the ground with a *clang*. Or maybe not. It could have been a *thud*. Or a *not falling yet* sound. Yes, there's a sound for that.

Link just smiled and gave the fishing rod a flick of the wrist.

Ganondorf leapt after the lure like a cat, swiping at the space where it had been, for Link had sent the lure flying in a different direction with a second flick of his wrist.

The lure whistled past Ganondorf's ear, and the Gerudo spun around, grabbing at the fish-shaped shiny again.

A further flick, and the lure flew out of Ganondorf's grasp.

Ganondorf meowed.

It was Link's turn to catch flies as he saw cat ears sprouting out of the Gerudo's skull.

The Hylian took a step forwards Ganondorf, adopting the ridiculous 'kitty voice' people use in such situations.

He reached out to stroke the purring Gerudo's head, only to jerk the limb back as Ganondorf hissed at it.

Another flick of the fishing rod and Ganondorf was back to cute (well, kinda), sweet (ummm...) little (not really) Gannie-poo.

Link pulled out the Master Sword and poked Ganondorf with it. The cat-Gerudo... being... looked up, but was distracted by the lure yet again.

Another poke.

Another flick.

Another swipe.

Sorry about the repeated use of that word.

Another poke.

Another flick.

Another swipe.

There aren't any appropriate synonyms.

Another poke.

Another flick.

Another...

Stuff this.

The pattern continued until Ganondorf collapsed. (That's better, isn't it?)

Link pulled out his ocarina and played an impromptu melody that seemed fitting for the occasion.

A text box popped up in front of the Hero, bearing the words "You learned the Song of Victory!", with 'Song of Victory' written in green.

Not that Link noticed. He was too busy staring at his sparkling ocarina.

Ganondorf, who had only been knocked unconscious, took the opportunity to claw at Link's leg.

With a yell, the Hylian fell over. The Hero's head hit the floor and he was knocked out.

Without his mind to keep it in check, Link's Hyperspace Arsenal popped out of nowhere (well, Hammerspace) and clattered to the floor in a heap.

Unfortunately (for him, at least), Ganondorf was right under Link's (rather large by normal standards, but small for a Hero) inventory when it appeared.

So Ganondorf was crushed by a whole lot of sticks, some nuts, a bow, lots and lots of arrows, a Hookshot, multiple bottles, a boomerang or two, some seeds, some other seeds, a slingshot, a mask thing, a huge hammer, a couple of swords, some iron boots, spare clothes, hundreds of Rupees, a magnifying glass thing, some gauntlets, a couple of shields, a bunch of maps and compasses, lots of keys (most of which were inexplicably broken), plus some bombs.

The impact of landing set off the bombs, which must have been very painful.

It also smashed the bottles.

One of them contained a Poe.

Another one held milk which seemed to be alcoholic for some reason. Judging by Navi's reaction to it when she flew down to drink some.

Ganondorf never stood a chance. Though he was lucky there wasn't a ladder or a raft in all of that.

And when Link woke up, he'd somehow defeated Ganondorf without even trying.

Beat that, Mario.

**Author's Note:**

> This has a brief reference to my OC, although it's not really part of the overarching [series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/746541). I just couldn't help including them in everything I wrote at the time.


End file.
